Repeating
by Dylan Shelby
Summary: "We started talking and all I could think about was that I had done this with Danny when he told me you were dead. I don't want to repeat history again. I can't." In the wake of tragedy hope is born. *Epilogue up!
1. Like I'm Sinking

Title: Repeating

Author: Dylan Shelby

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters or story. 

Summary: "We started talking and all I could think about was that I had done this with Danny when he told me you were dead. I don't want to repeat history again. I can't." In the wake of tragedy hope is born.

Author's Notes: History is always repeated. There have been several stories like this, but I just couldn't find one that satisfied what I wanted to hear. (Probably because I had my own idea, and who can ever read one's mind?) So I wrote this.

This takes place after Rafe comes down with Danny's casket and before we see the scene with little Danny. Please Review. I love reviews. Thank-you.

~*~*~*~

"I will never forget what Danny did for me. I always tried to protect him and in the end, he protected me. It's a debt I can't repay. I'll miss you brother. Wherever you are I hope your in peace." And with that Rafe walked down to be the first in line to say good-bye to his best friend. Evelyn had stood up and followed right behind him. "Good-bye." she whispered.

When the service was over Rafe walked Evelyn back to her home. "Are you gonna be okay?" he asked. She really hadn't said anything since he had gotten off that plane and Danny wasn't alive behind him. In some part of his heart Rafe knew that Evelyn blamed him. He blamed himself. He had always protected Danny, but the one instance when it mattered most he couldn't. He let his best friend die in his arms. Evelyn nodded, "I'll be fine." was her only response.

"Well I gotta go. I'm leavin' for Tennessee tommoraw." Evelyn just nodded her head and Rafe left with that. He had no way of knowing what was running through her mind if she didn't tell him. And he never expected her to either. He had gotten her love killed. Again. And what's more was that now she was carrying his child which made their bond stronger than it ever was between them. And that was what hurt the most. He didn't look behind him when he left. Couldn't bare to see her that way.

~*~

It was warm when he got home. He said hello to his folks and told them the news. They grieved for Danny, but mostly they grieved for their son. They knew he wasn't telling them the whole truth, he never had, but something was wrong with their son. Something more than loosing his best friend, although that was difficult. And like everyone else who had seen this before, knew it had to do with a girl. However Jake and Rebecca would never know what. Their son was private when it came to his love life. Liked to keep it to himself as much as he could, not sharing with the rest of the world what he had found.

For Rafe this was probably going to be the hardest part of the whole trip. However, he knew what he had to do and with that resolve he knocked on the door. He heard some cursing and moving around of objects and didn't let his surprise show when the door flew open, "Sir, its me, its Rafe McCawly..." The man gave him an un-discernable look, "Ya know your son's best friend?" "I know who you are sonny. What are ya doin' here?" At this Rafe bowed his head, "Sir, I have some news... um... Danny died." The older man was taken aback. "How?" was the only response. "He died protectin' me from the enemy sir." "Figures. Is there gonna be a service?" Rafe looked at him, "Yes sir. Tomorrow at ten o'clock." "Thank-ya son." And with that the older man shut the door.

~*~

It was too beautiful a day to be havin' a funeral. Especially for one's best friend. Rafe had been out in the cemetery since six that mornin'. Just thinking and sometimes talking to Danny and God. Asking questions he wondered if he would ever know the answer to. At ten a few people who were still at home came. The casket had been prepared the day before for burial and was now sitting and waiting. The preacher said a few words and then four men started to lower the casket down. "Thank-you." the older man whispered. "What?" Rafe asked, not sure he heard. "Thank-you." he said louder. Rafe stood up, "Thank-you for what? If it weren't for me your son wouldn't be dead now!" Cole Walker stood up and put his hand on the younger man's shoulder. 

"Son, listen. If it weren't for you Danny probably wouldn't have made it this long. I know I was hard on my boy and if given a second chance I can't say I would do it differently. But you were always there for him. You were always protectin' him and my guess is he saw the chance to repay ya." Rafe shook his head, "He didn't need to protect me with his life!" "Would you have do the same for him?" the older man asked. Rafe didn't even have to think about it. "Of course." "Well then you don't need to be questionin' why Danny did it for you. You were always his hero Rafe. Don't waste your life wonderin' why he did it or what could've been. Because you'll never be happy. My son did for you the only thing he knew. Don't waste his gift Rafe. You don't ever want to regret that." Rafe stopped and thought about what the older man had said.

"Thank-you Rafe." and with that Cole Walker left. Rafe stayed long after everyone left and thought about everything. Danny did die. He died because he was saving him and if it had been reversed he would have done the same. Should have done the same. _"Oh quit blamin' yourself!" came a voice. _"Danny?" _ "Who'd you expect? It's me. You gotta quit this. I saved you. Don't let my death be for nothin'. Now I have son on the way and you have to protect it just like you've done for me my whole life." _And with that the voice was gone. Rafe looked around trying to find it, but gave up. "Good-bye Danny." he said and then left.

~*~*~*~

"Rafe?" the female voice asked. Rafe was back at Pearl Harbor by evening and at Evelyn's house thirty minutes later. "It's me Sandra is Ev'lyn here?" he asked. She shook her head, "No, she was having complications so we took her to the hospital. She's doing fine. We didn't expect you back." Rafe didn't understand. "What? Of course I came back.." "Evelyn didn't think you were. She's in room 147. I think you need to go and see her." "Thanks Sandra." And with that Rafe left for the hospital.

He breezed by the nurses station where no one was to be found and went straight to Evelyn's room. He peaked in, but Evelyn was turned away from him. When he went to get a chair she turned, "Rafe?" He stopped and went over to her bed. "It's me. How are ya feelin'?" Evelyn looked down at her hands. "I'm okay. I didn't think you were coming back..." "Why? I'm still stationed here. I just had to go back to Tennessee to bury Danny." When he said that she closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

"Oh I'm sorry. I wasn't even thinkin'." he started to apologize. "No, its okay Rafe. I'm going to be fine." she assured him. "That's good. Well if there is anything you need...Uh stay safe...and I guess I'll see you..." And with that Rafe started to leave. "Rafe!" Evelyn called out. He came bounding back. "Yes?" "Please take a seat. We need to talk." Those four words were never good together. To Rafe when anyone had said, 'we need to talk' something always bad happened to him. He dreaded it even more now. 

"What do ya want to talk about?" he started. "I have come to some decisions. I need to say this Rafe without you saying anything or I won't get through it. So please just wait until I'm done." Her eyes pleaded with him and he nodded his head in acceptance.

"I know I haven't said much lately. When you came down those stairs I was elated. I was waiting for Danny and when you turned around and brought that casket out, I was shocked. I didn't understand and then we started talking and all I could think about was that I had done this with Danny when he told me you were dead. I didn't want to repeat history again."

At this moment she took a breath. She could see the hurt look on Rafe's face, but she had to plunge through or they would never make it. "I pushed you away I know. I've been trying to put my feelings into words and the one that keeps coming back is guilt. I didn't love Danny. Not in the way that I love you. Given time I know I could have loved him. With all of my heart even, but I..."

She started to cry and Rafe took her into his arms. He didn't know how he was feeling, but that wasn't the point. After a few minutes and a few sniffles Evelyn continued. "I tried Rafe. I did. I tried to give Danny my whole heart. Day after day. And eventually I would have been able to give it. But I wasn't lying to you when I said there wouldn't be a sunset that I wouldn't think of you. You have haunted my dreams for so long. I did love Danny though. And I will always be grateful for what he did for me. He helped me and gave me strength to keep moving when I didn't think I could. He was always there for me and I will always have a place in my heart for him, but he was never you.

He couldn't take that place. And as much as I tried to put you out of my mind the stronger your memory became. And that's what I've been wrestling with. I got what I wanted. I got you, but it was at the expense of Danny's life." 

Rafe wasn't sure what to say. So many feelings and emotions pumping through him he wasn't able to settle on just one. Guilt because he knew what she was going through, joy because she loved him more than Danny, sorrow because that statement had come because of Danny's death, grief at the loss of his best friend, and regret that he hadn't saved Danny. "Are you okay?" Evelyn asked. She could barely stand the silence.

She had been with her thoughts since Rafe had come back and she desperately wanted noise of any kind to keep her from them. She would miss Danny and he was so much to her, but in everything that Danny was the one thing he wasn't was his biggest and only flaw. And that was that he wasn't Rafe. "I don't know what to say. I love you Ev'lyn. You know that, but I don't know what I'm suppose to do. When we left for the mission, I tried to put you out of my mind. I resigned my self to the fact that you didn't love me like that anymore and that Danny now had your heart. And when you told me you were pregnant I could have died. I don't think a stab through the heart could've hurt near as bad as what you told me."

Evelyn knew that it hurt him. At the time it hurt her to say it. If she could've taken back _those _times with Danny she would have. She knew at the time that when she was with Danny it was to push Rafe from her heart and mind. It never once worked. And had Rafe never come back alive she knew beyond any doubt that she would have loved Danny with her whole heart, but life was never that kind. "Ev'lyn. I need to go think. This is so much and I don't know what to do here." She nodded her head. "Okay." Rafe left.

~*~

Evelyn had been allowed to go home shortly after Rafe had gotten there. And whatever had happened in the middle of the night had changed Evelyn. "Mornin'." he greeted. She smiled at him, "Good-morning Rafe. Are you better this morning?" He gave her a smile, "Yes, thank-you. Do you need me to take you home?" "Yes please, but if you don't mind, breakfast sounds wonderful." Rafe laughed at this. "I think I can do that."

He helped her out of the hotel and they took a cab to one of the restaurant and sat down and ordered breakfast. "You seem better today." Rafe commented. "I feel better. I felt the baby kick. I mean I've felt him kick before, but something about it this time just made me believe that everything was going to be okay." "I'm glad." he replied. Everything got quiet for a moment, "Rafe, are you okay?" she hedged. In all this time she never asked him. He lost his best friend and he had known Danny much longer than she ever had. He didn't reply for a few moments and that worried Evelyn.

"I've been thinkin' about all of this. After this war is over I'm goin' home. I'm goin' back to Tennessee. I don't think I can continue without Danny..." "I understand. I don't know how to make this better Rafe." Rafe looked at her with that intense gaze that always made her shiver. "I love you Ev'lyn. And I always will. I got orders today. I'm bein' sent out again. I just wanted to tell you to stay safe. You have my last link to Danny inside you and I don't want anythin' to happen to this baby." Evelyn wasn't prepared for that. "When are you leaving?" "Tomorrow. I ship out tomorrow."

The next day Evelyn showed up to help him pack like she had done that lifetime ago. "You stay safe too. I can't stand loosing you again. Not like that. No to the enemy." He nodded. "I'll come back. I promise. I've never broken one yet." She gave him a sad smile, but raised her self up on her toes and placed a gentle kiss on his cheek. "I love you." she whispered and then left.

"I love you too..." was his departing whisper.

~*~*~*~

"PUSH EVELYN PUSH!!!!!!!" Sandra yelled. Evelyn pushed as hard as she could, but it wasn't helping. "COME ON EV! YOU HAVE TO PUSH!" Martha screamed at her. "I AM PUSHING!" Evelyn yelled back. It was much harder than she ever thought possible. "Oh my God!" came a male voice from the door. Everyone turned and looked to see Rafe McCawly turning shades of pale. "Rafe!" Evelyn called out to him. He came running to her side. "You didn't think you were goin' to have this baby without me did ya?" he asked. "I hoped Nooooooot!!!!!!!" she screamed. 

It was all too soon and the baby was out. It was washed and cleaned out and placed in Evelyn's arms, "Meet your son, Evelyn." Sandra said. Rafe looked on stunned by what he was seeing. "He's beautiful Evelyn." She turned and looked at Rafe. He is. "I know this isn't the time, but Evelyn, would you marry me?" "Yes. I will marry you." He leaned down and kissed her. A kiss that she hadn't had in a long, long time. "Mr. McCawly I would like you to meet, Danny Walker McCawly." Rafe took Danny's son and now his and held him. "You sure make pretty children Danny." he whispered to his lost friend. _"I know." _Came a response in Rafe's mind. Rafe smiled at that and then gave Danny back to Evelyn.

~*~

Evelyn had finished learning how to nurse her son and was trying to get some sleep when she felt something. _ "He's beautiful Evelyn." _ "Danny?" she asked. _"Be happy. That is all I ever wanted for both of you. Please be happy."_ "You'll always be apart of me. Of us, Danny, Rafe and I." she whispered. _"I know."_ And with that came silence.

The End.

~*~*~*~

I might continue this because I think it needs an epilogue. So how did you like it? I know that it isn't a Danny/Evelyn romance story, but I hope that I stayed somewhat true to the characters...

Alright as long as I didn't stray to far I'm okay. If you could please review that would be great! Thank-you. Oh and if you had a story similar to this I am SOOOO sorry. I haven't read everything. Please forgive me. 

Thanks, Dylan.


	2. Epilogue: Full of Grace

Epilogue to 'Repeating'

Author: Dylan Shelby

Disclaimer: I do not own any of it.

Summary: Epilogue to 'Repeating'

Author's Notes: Here is the epilogue. This story needed more closure than what I gave it. I hope you enjoy it. Don't forget I have a series that doesn't follow the movie. The first one in that is 'At the Beginning'.

~*~*~*~

The outside was warm. It always was in Hawaii. It had rained a few minutes before and like most showers only lasted a few moments. He had come out to the back porch to think. And he wasn't having much luck with it. "Rafe?" she called to him. He turned around to see her at the door. "Hey." he greeted. She came out and shut the door. "I just got Danny to sleep." she informed him. He just nodded and went back to looking at the stars. "We need to talk." she whispered.

Again those words echoed in his head. The last time she had said them she had made his heart soar, but he wasn't about to think that meant that this time would be good as well. "What do we need to talk about?" he asked. She came and sat down next to him on the steps. "Our wedding is tomorrow Rafe." He gave her a smirk, "I kinda knew that." She shook her head, "Before we get married I want to make sure that everything is okay between us."

"I guess I've been the one who's been pulling away huh?" She took his hand into hers and turned his body so that he was facing her. "Yes you have. I need to know what is going on Rafe." He let out a long sigh and rolled his neck getting ready for a 'big' talk. "I guess I haven't settled this in my mind." "Then why did you propose?" Rafe let out a grunt. "Because I want to marry you. Because I also got swept up in the moment and I don't know..." he stopped. "We have to come to an understanding Rafe. If we don't then I am going to call off the wedding." she stated quietly.

"I don't know what to say Ev'lyn. I love you. And I have never loved anyone as much I love you. When I came back and found out that you were involved with Danny I nearly died. I couldn't think of why you two had done that. You were my love and he was my best friend. And then to find out you were pregnant..." he stopped for the moment. Evelyn sat quietly beside him, letting her presence be the support.

"And while I was trying to adjust myself to that I lost my best friend. I HATED Danny for what he did. I HATED you for what you did. And I could've lived my life hating you both for it. When you two would've gotten married, I wouldn't have shown. Because I wouldn't have been able to watch it." he stopped again, shaking his head. He never would have told her that, but he did need to get it out. He did need to move past it. "And I did try. I told Danny that we had to move past it and face facts, but I never did. In the back of my mind I always held this vision of you and me together. And then Danny died. I nearly let my best friend die while hating him."

That fact shamed Rafe. More than any of the others. He had been wrestling with why he had told Danny about his upcoming fatherhood, but the more he thought about it the more he knew why. It wasn't to hurt Danny. It wasn't so that Danny would give his blessing for him to go back to Evelyn. No, the reason he had done it was because as much as he hated the thought of Danny with Evelyn he hated the thought of his best friend dead even more. He tried everything in his power to make his friend stay alive. "I told Danny that he was going to be a father." Rafe whispered.

"What?" Evelyn was shocked. "I'm sorry Ev'lyn. I knew I was loosin' him and I tried everything in my power to keep him alive. And he knew. He knew that if he died that you and I would get married. And that too is something that I haven't been able to deal with." Rafe confessed. Evelyn let go of his hand and stood up to walk down the small steps. "Rafe I don't know what to do." she finally said. Rafe got up and walked over to her. "I don't either. I know that I love you. I know that Danny would want us to be happy because I felt the same when I thought I was gonna die."

"Then why can't we be happy?" she asked. "The same reason other people can't be happy, guilt. We are still feeling guilty about our love." "But I don't Rafe. I don't feel guilty about our love. I feel guilty because I love you more. I feel guilty because I wanted you more than I wanted Danny. And I feel guilty because I got everything I wanted at the expense of my son's father. That is what I feel guilty about Rafe. And I know that you feel the same way." The two just looked at one another, not saying anything. There wasn't anything more to say at the moment.

~*~

Danny had started crying again and so Evelyn left to tend to him. Now in the dark outside Rafe had a choice. Everything he wanted was in that house. And everything that could have happened wasn't going to. Rafe couldn't change the past. And given the chance he would've changed everything from the beginning. Everything surrounding him Rafe made a decision. 

"He's beautiful." he whispered to Evelyn. She had heard him when he was walking in the house. "Yes he is." she agreed. "When your finished, I'm ready to finish this." he told her and left. It was only a few minutes until Evelyn came out into the living room. She sat across from him and for a moment they did nothing, but stare at one another.

"My biggest fear is that Danny's memory is always going to haunt you. That there will be days when you wish that he was the one that was sharing everything with you. I don't mind the moments where Danny Jr. is going to do something and you think about it because I know I'll be thinkin' the same thing...." "...When you guys were getting on that plane to leave for the mission Danny told me his biggest fear was that I loved you more than him. And I told him that I loved him. And I did and I still do, BUT I do love you more Rafe. I wasn't lying when I told you that. And I didn't lie when I told Danny that I loved him and would be waiting for him.

If Danny had come back alive Rafe I would have married him and eventually I would have given him my whole heart. We would have become a family and I would have lived out my days happy. But every time I would have seen the sunset I would have thought of you and your memory would always haunt me. However, Danny didn't come back, you did. And as much as I miss Danny now and as much as I will miss the fact that he will not get to see his son grow up, his memory will not haunt me the way that yours would have."

Rafe looked at Evelyn trying to form into words the thoughts going through his mind. But he didn't have time for Evelyn started talking again. "I hate the fact that Danny will not get to see his son grow up and become a wonderful man. But I don't have to worry that Danny will not have a daddy. Danny told me before you came back that if it weren't for you he wouldn't know where he would be or who he would be. And so I don't have to worry about younger Danny because I know that you are going to be there for him. You are going to raise him and you are not going to make him feel guilty or shut him out..." "...No. I am going to love that boy more because he is apart of Danny. And I will try Ev'lyn. I will do everything in my power to make sure that he not only knows how special he is but how special his father was."

Evelyn stood up quickly and went over to Rafe and together they collapsed on the sofa. "I love you." she whispered. He smiled and kissed her, "I love you too.

~*~*~*~

The wedding had been simple, but beautiful. The couple happy with not only their choices, but for the first time in a long time, life. Now together under one roof as man and wife they were entwined together. Evelyn whose head rested on Rafe's chest sat up for a second so she could look at him, "Rafe will you let Danny call you Daddy?" His expression turned from peace to confusion, "What? Where did that come from?" "I was just wondering. I want Danny to call you daddy. I want him to be able to live a normal life. We can tell him about Danny when we think he is old enough to understand everything." she explained. He smiled at her. "Is that why you wanted his last name to be McCawly?" She nodded, "I know how hard it is not to be normal and I didn't want my son to have to go through that." 

He leaned down and kissed her. "I love you. And I promise Danny will be as normal as possible. He will have two parents that adore and love him." "I love you." she whispered and continued to kiss him. Only thoughts of one another consumed them after that and when ecstasy was reached once more they reveled in peace.

The End.

So how did you like it? I ended it on a high note and now I think I am satisfied with it. Anyway if you want more fluffy fics or something slightly different than please check out my other fic, 'At the Beginning' which is actually going to be a part of a series.

Just like breathing, it's not a problem until you aren't getting any! - Reviews.

~ Dylan.


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